I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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