Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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