Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
