Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
