I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
