Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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