hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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