After last night, I could never be a politician.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize