I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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