so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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