Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize