cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
