A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize