Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think people are normalizing furries
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
