i already hear my dad disowning me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
