this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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