Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
