i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
