We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
