i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
