Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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