Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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