ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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