Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
