whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's shark week go big or go home
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
