dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
