Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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