Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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