Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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