If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize