Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
