Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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