I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
