Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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