I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
