Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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