I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
