hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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