this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
