one two three fourrrrnication!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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