i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
