i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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