my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
