i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
