I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
