Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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