your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
