Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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