Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
