Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
