I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
