I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
