I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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