I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
