Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize