I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
