glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
