Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize