So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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