Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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