what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
