You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize