she was so not down for the gang bang
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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