Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
