I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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