Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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