I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
