I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
